How long does it take to rank a webpage?

An American website owner writes the following:

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Hi, I am a webmaster that has been developing websites for about 5 years now. I really haven’t has any problems with getting any of my websites to the front page or to the top of all three of the major search engines until now!

I have a major competitor that knows a little more about SEO then I do and they have been able to keep my website below there’s in yahoo and bing and I can only get my website to the 3rd page of Google.

I truly think Google is working with my competitor to keep me below them

I know it may sound crazy but i feel that way because of the problems I have been having trying to get ranked in Google!

None of my other websites have a problem ranking in Google but this one does! Sounds a little fishy to me. Ok here is my plan.

I know you guys are in the business to make money and I respect that. But I am looking for someone who can take my website from the 3rd page of Google to the front page within 14 days!!
Now please don’t try to tell me its impossible because i know its not!!
I have done it in 7 days and have seen other websites do it in 3 days so I know it can be done!

My problem is I am no expert at SEO and you guys are and I know you know all the tricks of the trade to make a website rank high!!
Now I know you guys say it will take 2- 6 months to rank and I know that is because you are in business to make money and dragging it out as long as you can will keep a monthly income coming your way! I get that but I am not looking for that kind of service!

I am looking for someone to do their tricks, place the keywords and do the Google algorithm or whatever it takes to get my website to the front page and to the top of Google in my search category!

I know it can be done and I am only interested in the expert that can do it!!

I want to pay a one time flat fee for the work and if you do it well I will tell everyone that I know to do business with you and/or even place your company banner on my website once you have gotten it to the top of Google! So that is my deal and what I am looking for.

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His Website
His Website

Unfortunately this fellow did not get the memo that Google has changed. All those old tricks from the past do not work anymore. Now we have to use professional marketing, on page conversion, and Seo to get results.

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